The New Year is just days old and from what I can see, many of you have made resolutions to get in shape. That includes memberships to a local fitness clubs like, let’s say, Defined Fitness. So to help all of you fitness newbies with some health club etiquette, I have compiled a brief and by no means exhaustive list of suggestions that will make yours and my visit more enjoyable.

1. The shower is for washing your body, not blowing your nose.

2. Cheap cologne and after-shave (and even expensive cologne and after-shave) do not mix well with the steam room.

3. You may think you look cool flexing in front of the bathroom mirrors, but everyone else thinks you are an idiot.

4. Speedo style swimwear should not to be worn by anyone who is more than 2 ounces overweight.

5. Speedo style swimwear should not to be worn with any kind of gold chain.

6. You do not need to use hair product before you go work out.

7. The benches in the locker room are for you to sit on while you get dressed or undressed. They are not your personnel clothes horse. Your allotted spaces is roughly the width of your butt.

8. Paying four dollars for a glorified Snickers bar is dumb.

9. Paying six dollars for a glorified carton of chocolate milk is even dumber.

10. When all of the lanes in the pool are taken, you are supposed to share. Don’t pretend you do not see me standing waiting for a lane.

11. If your application of spray deodorant, hair product or foot powder resembles the launch of the space shuttle, please make sure that no one else is in the immediate area of the blast zone.

12. The steam room and dry sauna should be treated like shrines as in you sit down and keep quiet. Discussions of your threesome the night before, or political name dropping are usually not appropriate.

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Might want to add a few:

1- Hey man how many more reps do you have. Look around there's 8 machines open why do you need the one I am working on.

2- The water fountain is for drinking water not to talk about your life
Good point. The water fountain is also not for spitting in.
Jeez thanks for this, I went through a couple of these items this morning!!! Might want to add:

#13 if you absolutely MUST stop and have a conversation with a long lost friend, try not to do it in the MIDDLE of the asile between equipment. (No doubt these are the same people who stop their shopping cart in the middle of the asile in the grocery store also.)

And #14. If you must tote a gym bag around with you instead of locking it up like the rest of us peons, put it UNDER the bench, not in the aisle where we will trip over it.
i would like to add:

- A towel might be appropriate between your bare bottom and the locker room bench.

- If you are going to use the toilet after swimming, don't leave the seat wet.

- If I can hear your music through your headphones over the music on my headphones, your music is too loud.

- Your son doesn't belong in the women's locker room if he is old enough to form sentences.

- It is not appropriate to change your kid's swim diaper on the lounge chairs by the pool.
Yikes! Some of those are really scary.

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