What's going on, Albuquerque?

Three is the Loneliest Number

I was recently perusing my step-sons latest issue of Men's Fitness, as I am want to do from time to time whilst resting on the stoop smoking my cigarette and eating a Lumpy's burger, when I saw the Headline, "The Fattest Cities in America".

I was excited. I thought for sure we would be in the top ten as I glanced down at the round mound covering my belt buckle sporting a freshly ketchup stained t-shirt. Finally, as a proud unfit Albuquerquean, I will be recognized for my effort, or rather lack thereof!

So I turned to the page and discovered that Albuquerque is indeed in the top ten, the top three no less! Alas, it was for the list of Fittest Cities in America, and my dreams of finally being a part of something special, of contributing to a list featured in an internationally known publication, were dashed. With depression setting in, I finished off the last of my Lumpy’s Plumpy, letting the juicy guts spill over my chin and lit another Sandia Light.

The spandex covered sweat robots that slink on two wheels over this city have won this round. The battle is lost, but the war rages on!

Apparently we have 67.5 acres of Parkland per 1000 residents. No mention of the number of fast food restaurants per resident. Lack of research if ya ask me.

Tags: albuquerque, fat, fitness, lumpy's

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Permalink Reply by Krista on January 26, 2012 at 9:48am

:) This is great.

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Permalink Reply by Mr. Potato Head on January 26, 2012 at 6:01pm

Say it ain't so! Don't they realize those parks are where we take our carryout burritos? And don't worry about those drips from your Lumpy, just use Mr. P.H.'s rule of snappy dressing - always be sure to order lunch that matches your shirt - no wonder all my shirts are red or green!

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Permalink Reply by RebLem on September 1, 2012 at 12:06pm

A park is where I take my crazy dog so he can run around and sniff the butts of other dogs. Trouble is, after an hour and a half, the strain of sitting on a park bench gets to be too much and I have to go home to lie down and take a nap.