Singing for me equals Body Pleasure.
It takes me deeper into myself, and higher out of myself, at the same time.
Singing for me is communion.
And, by pretty much anyone's standards, I am not a good singer.
It had been the heartbreak of this lifetime - I want to be able to just belt out a line from a song - out of nowhere - and have it be at least listenable, recognizable.
It's the ironic paradox of the Universe that I get so much soul sustenance from singing.
Yet, the other ironic paradox is that I am not a soloist by an stretch of the imagination - and, my voice can blend in a way that is beautiful to me.
Some of the most fabulous personal moments I've had have been singing along with a lover to a song on the radio - and it sounded perfect - or singing with a small group...
I made this choice - that I am going to express my vocal experience - FULLY - no matter what.
It was a huge breakthrough to meet Elise Witt in Atlanta and attend her classes - where the first 20 minutes or so were warm-up - using the body - and opening that inner channel. I would walk home feeling my lips tingling, alive, the aliveness all throughout me.
Chanting, especially OM chanting, has always done this for me as well.
It's the exercise in letting goooooooooooooooooo. In yielding to and opening the aperture. In allowing my body to be given over to being an Instrument. In not having attachment to the outcome.
In essence, singing is a metaphor for my spiritual condition.
How can I let go more of my self-consciousness and critical parts, and just relax into what IS.
To SING is to BE.
It's full body meditation in alive active real-time.
I flash back to a moment at a Trager Practitioner retreat - we had a final Primal Night party - everyone dressed up and there was a 5 person professional drumming group - I danced my ever-lovin' ass off (another powerful Spiritual Practice for me). At the very end, as people were leaving, one of the performers pulled a Digeridoo out - he set it up at the back of the venue. I had never seen one before - and the sound transported me.
I kneeled next to him, and as he played it, I imitated the sound, opening myself up more and more, feeling the vibration of his instrument, which coaxed me higher and deeper to be present with my own.