So, it was suggested by a post in my last blog that I write a blog about Asshole Neighbors, I guess I should just breakdown and write a whole series on these, which I am more than likely to do. When the suggestion was made, I didn't really have any grips or complaints about my neighbors, they all seem like really nice people for the most part, although, the neighbors to the north of me think my roommate and I are gay, while the ones to the South of me think I have a small family, I guess that is what happens when you have a wide range of friends that come over all the time, it's just the way the cookie crumbles I guess. So without further ado, here is my blog about Asshole Neighbors, this comes with a disclaimer however, not all the people I will mention in this blog are current neighbors, some are ones I have had in the past.
First off, you have the, Man I am Billy Badass when I drink guy. You know who you are, you are usually the guy with the suped up old style Camero, Mustang, or some other out dated piece of shit car that no one but your girlfriend with the black eye or mullet thinks is cool. You are the one that plays 80's hair band music at full volume on Sunday mornings, while you are outside with no shirt on in 50 degree weather, with your over sized belly hanging out of your wife beater, or if you are feeling really sexy, no shirt at all. You are also the guy who gets drunk, and then decides to go screaming at someone in the front yard of your house at 2 am because they turned off your, Now That's What I Call Music Now 657 cd. Thanks for bringing your low life friends and family members into our otherwise peaceful neighborhood, but at least if my TV goes missing, I will have a pretty good idea of where it is at! This guy wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for his family, who tend to have sucidial emo kids who run around the neighborhood tagging crap and making sure that peaceful nights are filled with the sounds of Ambulences that are coming to yet again do what the parents should be doing, which is saving their kids life by actually paying ATTENTION TO THEM!!
Next, we have the, I Will Just Blow My Leafs Into The Other Guys Yard Guy, hey thanks for not only blowing your leafs into my yard, but for your broken down pieces of shit cars or trucks you have in your front yard leaking oil everywhere!!! Nothing says come and lower the land value like a good oil stain in what used to be grass. I don't want to live next to a NAPA autoparts store, thanks though. This is also the person who puts notes on your door signed, Concerned Neighbor when your dog is barking at the other dogs during their Matlock Marathon at 6:30 on a Sunday afternoon, hey guess what, I am sorry that my dog is a young dog that likes to chew on things and has to stay outside during the day, but your note would have more of an impact IF YOU SIGNED YOUR NAME TO IT!!!
This brings me to the Concerned Neighbor, I hate these people most of all, they are the ones that you can always see looking at you through their windows when you get home, know your entire schedule, and are the ones that complain about your dog being outside at 5:30 on a workday, must be nice to be retired. These people would be useful if they didn't always manage to fall asleep right when someone is backing a U Haul into your driveway and taking all your stuff, hey thanks for being so concerned and then failing so badly at the one thing you might be useful for. Also, these are the people that want to have a Neighborhood association formed when they don't get elected president of some old fart club they are apart of and want something new so they can still feel like they serve a purpose. Problem is, they always want to restrict people from doing things to their own home, hey guess what, I paid 230k for my house, if I want to dance around naked on the roof top I will. Or if I want to build a 15 foot tall, 6 foot wide brick wall defense against the zombie attack fence around my house, I will, and then when they attack, I will write a note that says, I guess you should have been more concerned about your own home than mine, and I will sign it, Sincerely, A Concerned Neighbor!
Did I miss anyone.....oh yeah wait, then there is That Guy, you all know the one I am talking about. The one with the surround sound system so loud it blows off women's clothes, the guy with the cool ass cars and the hot lady friends, the guy with the PS3, the HD system, and the big ass TV. I don't really hate this guy, I am just pissed that I am not him. Fucking overachievers!
All and all I am pretty lucky, I have some good neighbors, but there are those asshole ones that seem to ruin it for everyone else. The buzz kills, the peeping toms, the Concerned Neighbors. The asshole Coworkers are more than likely the Asshole Neighbors, since they all boil down to one thing, people who are more concerned about what other people are doing than what they themselves should be doing. If everyone would just leave each other alone in negative ways, the world would be a much better place. Again, I know this seemed like a negative blog, but if it made you laugh great, if it didn't, get a sense of humor you Asshole Neighbor:)