“Just go to Wal Mart?!!!” —That was me, yesterday morning, replying to a certain someone’s suggestion that I “just go to Wal Mart”. To me, that’s the rough equivalent of telling me to go to hell. And that’s not four days before Christmas. That’s any other time of the year.

However, I never have been able to say “no”, especially to this certain someone, so off I went, with my three restless <sarcasam> little angels </sarcasm> and set about on our Odyssey.

The Odyssey of Finding The Perfect Fake Christmas Tree.

Growing up, it was our family tradition to put up the fake tree every year. It was The First One Ever Made, circa 1969, ‘59 or thereabouts (give or take a few months). It was my mother’s pride and joy, as it was purchased some time before I was born, and she had managed to hang onto it for decades, keeping it’s usefulness and fluffy, bounty joy. While putting up the Perfect Fake Christmas tree was a fun tradition in and of itself, it wasn’t until I was a grown up, that I experienced the wonder of a real tree. It smells good. It looks good (for about a week). I’m pretty sure it even tastes good. I’ll have to ask the dog, and get back to you on that.
There are so many different varities of The Real Deal, that it’s hard to make a decision. The big bluish full one? The scraggly short, thin little “charlie brown” variation? How about the super-duper prickly kind, that scratches and scars? Does it matter? They all smell good, they all look good, and give the house that extra warm fuzzy glow that you just can’t get from even The Perfect Fake Christmas Tree.

However, I was given a directive, and follow it I tried… I drove clear across town, into another county, to avoid the Really Ghetto Wal Mart that’s in my neighborhood. Once I fought and battled my way through the parking lot two states away, and trudged <sarcasm>merrily</sarcasm> into the Den of Chaos, with my three <sarcasm>perfect little angels</sarcasm> in tow, I grabbed a shopping cart fought my way through the congestion at the Blue Vested Greeter’s Stand, and ventured the length of the entire store. Twice.
No Perfect Fake Christmas Tree.

The night was growing longer and colder by the minute, and my <sarcasm>perfect little angels</sarcasm> were growing hungrier and hungrier, I finally chanced a stroll out into the lawn and garden section. The perfect place for the Perfect Fake Christmas Tree? Only in Wally World.

The displays were beautiful, for some of the trees. Those trees were $250+. There was a short, scraggly one, about the size of evil genius, that was $40. There was another one, huge and all white, for $19.95. I pondered it, for about a billionth of a nano-second and picked up the short scraggly one and headed to the checkout. I didn’t have to head far, only about three paces, to see about 4,567 people standing in line with full carts at the garden center checkout.

I peeked a glance back into the store, and saw the entire population of Sandoval County, standing in line, waiting to check out. I’m pretty sure there were some in there from Bernalillo County as well. The Jewelry department clerk looked as though she was blessed with less than her share of holiday cheer and was intent on not helping any of the customers in her area, let alone, let a woman and her <sarcasm>three perfect angels</sarcasm> check out with only one single item. And I was in no mood to purchase a flat screen television in the electronics department, just so I could check out three hours faster.

I dropped the box (yes, in the middle of the aisle) and walked out. Broke protocol.
Went to the Real Tree Place.

We spent well over $100 last year on the Perfect Real Tree, that lasted inside for about three weeks, and was finally disposed of (off our property) sometime last July. If you check the back yard, I think there is still some evidence of little broken and brown needly twigs nestled amongst the xeriscaping, sand and whatever else is back behind the shed.

This year, the tree business has been hit hard. Are people not celebrating as much?
No.
They already got all the good Perfect Fake Christmas Trees at Wal Mart.
So I got a deal.

For $70 in donations at this charity event (over by Cottonwood Mall), I walked away with two Christmas trees, cut into a palm tree shape, mounted and lighted (which is now outside), and a perfect “environmentally conscious” fluffy, soft green variety for decorating inside (not good with names, sorry). The kids were suddenly bouncing with joy, and swear up and down that it’s bigger than the tree we got last year.

I’ve already had one neighbor call about how much they love trees out front. (I’ll post pictures later). Everyone is happy. We might not be able to use these next year, but it’s proof that there’s nothing more wonderful than the Perfect Real Tree(s).

Hope you and yours have a happy holiday(s).