At about 10pm last night, I received this email from a friend who apparently has an unaccompanied grandma at his house. How that happens, I have no idea but she needs a ride to the Sunport this morning and we've volunteered for chauffeur duty.
Here are the instructions I received from her Albuquerque grandson:
First off, thank you thank you thank you.
Second, here are the details:
1) Her name is Lucy
2) She does not have a key to the house
3) She gets dizzy and might take your arm or hand when walking to the car but once she is at the airport should be fine (the bricks in my front yard throw her off balance).
4) Her flight is at noon (or something similar) so picking her at about 10 would be great.
5) She won't answer my phone
6) Only one of her hearing aids works
7) She will probably make some odd statement that is meant to be harmless quirky old lady conversation but which will sound offensive. Just ignore it and I apologize in advance.
8) Please make sure the front door is locked as well as her room windows. I'll make sure everything else is locked before we leave at 4:30 AM.
Third, thank you thank you thank you. Fourth - if you don't have the key feel free to call me tonight regardless of the time. I'll hide a set in the yard if you call tonight. - "Brian"
At 11pm, I received another email from "Brian":
Two more things.
One) She is old (to be honest I'm not sure how old but probably about 80 as her sister is 86). Hence getting into the Toyota 4-runner could be tough.
Two) Her boyfriend is 93, I just find that too awesomely weird, cool, and a little creepy to not mention. He also lives alone, drives (even at night), and apparently rides his bike.
And at 6am, yet another email of concern:
Yet more notes:
UPDATE: Grandma Drop a Success
1) she is hard of hearing and has 1 dead hearing aid
2) I put an extra set of house keys in the hutch bottom drawer. It is the ring with the most keys
Due to Grandma's "age issues", we borrowed a low-clearance Scion to drive her to the Albuquerque airport. Though a sweet doddering thing, some of the first words out of her mouth were "My, as I was telling my friend the other day, that's an ugly car
Over the course of the 10 minute drive to the Sunport, I learned:
- Grandma likes the incessant sun of Phoenix, but rarely goes outdoors.
- Grandma has a law school (?) reunion in Minnesota next month and doesn't know what to expect of it.
- Though she would truly love a woman president, Grandma would even more like to see "a black in office" and is planning on voting Obama though she predicts her feminist friends will be disappointed with her treasonous ways. What about McCain, Arizona's favorite son? "Too old," Grandma says of the man 10 years younger than her and 23 years younger than her boyfriend.
- Grandma's friend in Raton has a neighbor whose sheep was killed by a bear this weekend. As a result, Game & Fish has set up a bear trap, but Grandma hopes they don't catch it.
Just passing through, she was, and I'm delighted to have made her acquaintance if only for the briefest instant it takes to smear on 2 strokes of bright pink Estee Lauder lipstick.
"Brian," your grandma is safely on a flight back to Phoenix. Now as for the herd of cats on your front patio... I can only guess what they're up to by now in your absence...