NOB HILL--I don't like to comment on the state of womanhood. I generally leave that to the Albuquerque Journal. And they certainly did that last weekend. Their "monthly magazine for women," SAGE, was letting it all hang out last Sunday with a full page spread on how to do laundry.
One might think that if a person is smart enough to even read their "monthly magazine for women" they would be a little beyond requiring written instructions in this area...but I guess that is not the case. Someone saw a need.
Personally I was grateful. Not that I haven't been doing laundry since I was a young boy, but times have changed since my mother's ringer washer grabbed my hand and flattened my fingers. Here are a few snippets from the Laundry piling up? article on page 4 in case you missed it.
• "When hamper is full (it is) your signal that it is time to do the laundry." Alternately, if you had the sense to use last month's dirty top sheet as the rug in your room and it is now hidden beneath this month's accumulation of dirty clothes, it is also time to do the laundry. Just gather the corners together into a big sack and drag it down the hall.
• "While loads are in the machine you have a chance to do other small tasks." Right. You don't want to catch yourself rolling a bomber and watching the clothes tumble in the water for 40 minutes.
• "Hang delicates to dry." See...this is where it gets complicated for men. Our delicates just aren't that delicate. In fact most men's underwear can be thoroughly scrubbed in a sandy bottomed stream without hurting anything except native wildlife. That's because our delicates have names like Underarmour.
• "Put new load in washer. Wash." Aaah...advanced theory. Two-part instructions. I just hope whoever needs this tip written down doesn't vote.
• "Fold the items...use a table or the bed to stack similar items sorted by person." I guess the Journal assumes the woman is doing the laundry for everybody. This is not an assumption that I would care to make. But having already assumed that women actually need this article, the Journal continues to push the gender "hot water" button.
• "Return hamper to its home." I don't think I ever had a hamper until I got married. What did I do with my dirty clothes? I guess I just used the washing machine...and when it got full I turned it on.
The author of the piece offers a concluding thought which really might be helpful, depending on the situation. "Completing the full (laundry) cycle is faster than hunting for your pants all over the house." Yes, and time could be of the essence. At least you know where your pants are. Wet and soapy though they might be, it still beats running down the street naked.