Base Releases White Dandruff-Like Powder In Rehearsal For Terrorist Threat

NOB HILL--Alarmed citizens of this neighborhood just south of Central Ave. rushed outside to see a white substance clinging to vegetation this morning.  Most went back inside immediately and dialed 9-1-1.

The white stuff appeared to fester primarily on lawn plants.  “They must need to suck the juices out of anything that lives through the winter,” said a pedestrian who was doing his best to keep the powder off his shoes.

“Weird stuff...obviously some kind of fungus.  Look at the way it attacked the shrubs in my lawn and ignored the rocks!” said another.  And he certainly seemed to have a point.

“If I had to hazard a guess," added a man with a camo cap who was wandering Central Ave. early this morning, "I would say this is just a rehearsal for a full-blown dandruff attack from a foreign source."

"Just you wait...and check your comb tonight for stray matter,” offered  a retired base employee. 

Meanwhile, I smiled at the presence of the substance and tried to remember whether we had ever seen anything like it in the past.  It’s been so long...but somewhere in our collective memory an image coalesced from a distant universe.  Yes, it was a long time ago.  It was something that once had a common name--a name lost in that vast continuum of our shifting planet.

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Comment by once banned twice shy on February 4, 2014 at 10:07am

I put on my tin foil hat and that stuff turned into another strange substance when it landed on the tin foil.  It went from white to clear and rolled off my tin foil hat.  I was afraid it might be acid, but when I touched it with my hand it just felt cold and wet.  What IS this weird stuff???

Comment by Benny the Icepick on February 4, 2014 at 4:11pm

I'd say we should head for the hills, but THEY'RE white TOO!


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