Time to change my picture again. I notice many people have had the same profile picture for as long as I've been around, which isn't that long really, but it seems they don't change. Quite a few DCFers change frequently. I guess I am falling into the latter category for a few reasons.

First, I feel lots of changes going on lately regarding me. After a few years of nearly complete inactivity because of a physical malady, I found myself weakening in body and spirit. As much as I fought this, I also succumbed to it, seeking out lots of hopeful treatments and being let down. I finally relented to epidural steroid injections and they worked, but only for a 6-8 weeks at a time and then I was back to square one again until time came for another injection. This in itself was a roller coaster ride. I would feel like a million bucks while under the influence of the shots, so I would scurry around trying to get all the things done that I couldn't do when hurting and weak. I was on top of the world. But the crash came eventually. It was inevitable. So there I was in the down days. Up and down. Up and down.

Then a glimmer of hope in a strange sort of way. Surgery. Oh no!. Oh yes! I was sent to see a surgeon for the second time, and this time my spine had downgraded to a third ailment, suddenly making me a prime candidate for surgery. I entered this realm with the same hope and trepidation I felt about the injections..man, this is invasive, but if it works?

I went for it. It worked. I am getting my life back, and even though my mind is ahead of my body's recovery at this point, I feel free and like a new person. Not the old me from before this all happened, but a brand new me.

So what's next for the new me? We quit smoking here at our house. I am a mad woman. It is driving me nuts despite the Chantrix. I never smoked even a pack a day, but I miss it real bad. The new me is a mad woman. This too will pass, won't it? Can't I just have one cigarette a day? Just one?

Physical therapy. I start on Monday. I need to loose the thirty or more pounds I gained over the last three years, but first things first. I don't care how much I weigh, I just want my muscles back. So, no staring at the scale and sighing. None at all. I just want to feel good. Feel great!

So I am going to have to change that profile picture of mine as frequently as feel the fancy, just because I can. It is great to be able to do what I want again. Or damn near it.

Views: 2

Comment by cathyray on January 31, 2009 at 8:15pm
I have also noticed a lot of photo changing, especially from you, Miss Sarah. I knew you were going thru changes so figured that was it. It felt to me like you were having a frustrated time. Then when we talked I knew I was right. The other folks I've noticed change from time to time I put the explanation to the time of year or it was related to something new in their lives....a party, birthday etc. It's cool, too, cuz you can see different sides of our online friends. I've stuck with my original thin mint pic. I think the reason that I like it is because I can hide behind the cookies. I've always hated having my picture taken even though for the last several years I have taken a pic of myself when I wake up every morning so my brother & I can exchange "bed heads". We name them & the competition is really fierce. I must brag that he has been made to bow before the queen more than once. When I learn how to upload pics, I'll post a few of my winners.
Good luck with that Physical Therapy. They don't call it Pain & Torture for nothing. I can tell you truly that PT has helped me more than anything else with all of my arthritis & bone issues. And, girl, you know if there had been an easier way, I would have found it. Maybe we can get together & do a little walking or light hiking. I know Miss Tracy would love to join us.

doing something just because you can is wonderful!! Talk to ya soon!!
Comment by Kimm on January 31, 2009 at 10:38pm
Hey Sarah,
Thanks for sharing. I too recently came out of a prolonged bout with health problems that no one could diagnose, I had a big box full of prescriptions and remedies which didn't work and I finally begrudgingly agreed to steroids (I'd watched my Mom go through the swing) which as you say brings a miracle into your life only to rudely yank it away as soon as you have to go off - which you do. That is excellent that the surgery worked. I ended up being very allergic to mold and now that we are back in NM I am pretty much completely back to good health.
I also quit smoking during this period after 28 years and this coming May 6th it will be three years smoke free for me. Alas, I was a mad woman too but it does pass and it's totally, totally worth it so hang in there. I did Hot Yoga ALOT and that helped with the craziness and weight gain but it's different for everyone and part of it is just honoring yourself and who you are so that might not be the solution for you. The other thing that helped was sniffing Eucalyptus and Texas Cedarwood oil - I don't know why that helped but it seemed to give some satisfaction that was similar to smoking. Some people hate these scents - so I guess I'm trying to say - there are things that help but you gotta find out what yours are! I'm sending encouraging thoughts your way and I very much look forward to your evolving profile pictures.
Comment by dolores on February 1, 2009 at 10:05am
Sounds like an exciting & difficult time. Crochet/knitting helped me a lot when I quit smoking. Hang tough.
Comment by Sarahjmd on February 1, 2009 at 10:21am
Cathy Ray...I just KNEW those were thin mints.
I think the large majority of people here and in other forums hide behind their pictures. This venue enables people to really let it loose, anonymously if they want. That's ok. I do it too. You know me well enough to know I wouldn't say this to a room full of people, but I'll tell it here to thousands of strangers. It is the not-so-painful therapy. It helps to sort out the mind by writing, and knowing someone may actually read it makes you at least try to stay focused and make sense, eh?

Kimm...thanks fo rthe encouragement with the smoking issue. I still want a cigarette, and there are so many people who tell me that doesn't go away, ever. Thanks fro reminding me about the essential oils. I actually have a recipe for just this and I keep forgetting about it.
Comment by Kimm on February 1, 2009 at 1:52pm
Hi Sarah - I smoked at least a pack a day for all those years and after 9 months or so I didn't really want one anymore, Those first bunch of months were really hard but I honestly never seriously want a cigarette anymore even when I'm around smokers. There's no struggle anymore and that's the truth.

When I quit several people told me not to get too depressed when I started up again because I surely would. Everyone does the first time they try to quit. Well that wasn't true. Anyway there's a real possibility that the day will come for you when you just don't want one anymore period. I'm trying to remember if these words I'm saying would've meant anything to me while I was still struggling with withdrawal. Maybe not, but I hope so.
Comment by Sarahjmd on February 2, 2009 at 7:02pm
Get this, Susan. My Health Care provider would not pay for the drug to help me quit smoking, but will pay mega buck to treat me for cancer or worse. Now where is the sense in that? No matter. I bought the Rx anyway. Costs 'bout the same as six weeks of smokes.
Comment by La Fanciulla del West on February 2, 2009 at 7:09pm
Good luck on your quest to quit smoking! I'm glad it was a habit I never wanted to indulge in. I'm also glad you're feeling better.
Comment by dolores on February 2, 2009 at 8:44pm
Sarah You can do it The chantix really helped me. I also cut up piles of carrots and celery and make sticks that I kept in the fridge in a glass of cold water. When that figity thing hit I would just grap a bunch. If you have a bike.....that elped me. When I was hit really hard with a craving I would jump on my bike and ride as fast as I could until I was too tired to even smoke.

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