What's going on, Albuquerque?

New Mexico still not ready for Gay and Lesbian Couples?

And is not ready for unmarried heterosexual couples either, for that matter. The domestic partnership bill is on life-support. Which means if it were my partner, I could not visit it in the hospital without bringing legal papers to allow me access. The argument against seems to come down to traditional values and religious beliefs. I can't do much about countering someone's religious beliefs, other than to point out they seem to pick and choose which "beliefs" in the Bible they will live by. But traditional values? What could be more traditional than wanting to share all of the rights and responsibilities of being a loving, committed couple. Those who argue against domestic partnership complain that we want the same "rights" that traditional couples enjoy. Well, yes, that is true. However, they seem to overlook that we want the same "responsibilities" as well.

A good friend of mine lost his partner of 20 years to HIV/AIDS. Without his knowledge, his partner had run up the credit card bill in his last months of life. Although the credit card company tried to get my friend to pay off the bill after his partner died, he refused and the card company had no legal standing to go after him for the money as they were not a "legitimate" couple and the card was not issued in both of their names. Twenty years together, home ownership, helping to raise godchildren, etc etc did not make them legal. Personally, I was saddened he didn't pay off the bill, as I would consider my partner's debts to be my own, despite the law stating otherwise. But I also understand his decision, which was one he made out of anger and the fact the State did not recognize his relationship as legit. I want the State, and our elected representatives, to understand that I want my domestic responsibilities recognized as much as I want my rights. To my mind, that is the epitome of a traditional value!

State Senator Bernadette Sanchez of Albuquerque was the deciding vote on the Senate Judicial Committee. She walked out of the room instead of voting, which effectively killed the bill with a 5-5 split. What courage! She states she would have voted against the bill anyway. More courage!! I deeply appreciate the efforts that non-gay individuals have made on of the GLBT community. Duke City Fix in particular has been a very supportive community to us. We cannot do this alone, and we cherish your support. Whenever you get the chance, please talk about your GLBT friends in everyday conversations. Talk about how we live our lives just like everyone else, with the same struggles, joys, disappointments, failures and successes. Talk about us as if we are simply a part of your everyday life, like going to the grocery store.

Traditional values have always changed over time. That change is usually slow, but I believe that slow change can be concrete and long lasting. We all know how the role of marriage has changed over centuries. Now we are on the cusp of another evolutionary step. I think the best way we can become "traditional" is by being seen as a regular part of society and no longer hidden from view, where the dark forces of stereotype and fear breed misunderstandings about who we are. Yes, you can contribute money and write to your elected representatives, and all of that helps a great deal as this change ultimately has to be accomplished at a political level. But what helps more is when you talk about us to those in your neighborhoods, at your jobs, in your families, and in all the other circles of your life, making us a normal as a trip to the grocery store. For this change to come, it also has occur at an emotional level, in the minds and hearts of everyday society.

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Comment by Molly McCoy Brack on February 4, 2009 at 9:13am: You said it all. Here's my whole-hearted support!

Comment by kroybal on February 4, 2009 at 9:17am: Seconded. The thing that has always irked me, including when I was still religious, was that marriage under the state is a legal contract. It's two people entering into a legal contract, with no pretense of religious beliefs, morals, etc. Under that definition, anyone should be able to get married, regardless of whether they have a loving relationship or not. Granted, that takes the "romance" out of it, but other state-regulated contracts don't have love or romance written into them.

Now, if you want to get married in the church (and here I speak from knowledge of the Catholic church), you can do that. You are bound to your partner in the eyes of god, and by the church's standards you are committed to each other and married forever (except annulment, etc.). If that is what you are looking for in marriage, religious and moral commitment, then getting married in the church should be enough, and entering into the legal contract of marriage under the state is purely for shared legal responsibilities and benefits.

In that sense, why can't anyone (of consenting age) enter into the legal contract of marriage?

That said, I fully support everyone's desire and/or decision to get married (in either context), and hope that New Mexico, as well as the entire nation, can figure out that religion should play no part in legal decisions.

Comment by cathyray on February 4, 2009 at 9:45am: Amen to all of the above.

Comment by Brendan on February 4, 2009 at 9:57am: NM is ready. We're just one elected individual away from making it official. Just one more senator needs to demand equal protection under the law. Vote bigots out of office.

Comment by Jessie on February 4, 2009 at 10:18am: Using "traditional" as a synonym for "good", "worthy", or "the way things should be" is patently absurd and caters to the LCD, who do make their voices heard when it comes to attempts at legislating behavior or morality.
Others have reviewed time and again in the media and the blogosphere how there is no such thing as "traditional marriage". Those who don't want to hear, won't.
Still love Olbermann for this:

Comment by once banned twice shy on February 4, 2009 at 10:26am: Albq. Commentator, it is not just NM which is bigoted. Look at California and their Proposition 8. That was passed by vote of the CITIZENS and not just legislators.

No, the one thing people the world over have in common is their ability to hate and discriminate against whatever is different. I think the key is indeed for the GLB community to become more vocal and out--and for those of us who support gay marriage--or domestic partnership rights--to stand behind them and call out the bigots for what they are. Quit letting them hide behind religion to justify their hate and bigotry.

Comment by Ricky on February 4, 2009 at 10:39am: Kroybal, anyone can enter into a legal contract to cover all the above. All you have to do is see a lawyer and you can have everything married couples have. Including benefits. This law is dumb in the respect that it is already there. A personal contract between two people of whatever sex is legal. You just don't get the marriage label. Which I don't think is a label that goes with gay and lesbian partnerships as it is a term used to describe couples of the opposite sex.

Gay and lesbians have every single right given to straight couples if they just take the time to get it done...

Comment by Sarahjmd on February 4, 2009 at 10:59am: I think the gay/lesbian community Is vocal enough. And so are their opponents. It is the rest of us that need to speak up. As the originator of this post said...we can allow any bigoted friends or aquaints to know how we feel. Take a vocal stand in your everyday life. Speak of your gay/lesbian friends as the normal people they are, living lives like the rest of us - everyday.

I have been married for almost 30 years. I have never been asked for proof of this by any insurance company or anyone else. Is there a national database of us somewhere, (frightening thought),? No one has ever challenged it.

I know couples who have been together as long as we have, not legally married, raised families, think of themselves as married, so - so does every one else.

So I must ask - when does this law become important. Really. Just asking. I really am ignorant on this.

Comment by Mary Schmidt on February 4, 2009 at 11:39am: The truly ironic thing is that many of the most committed couples I've known have been gay/lesbian. They're downright boring in their commitment to monogamy, family and the community! This is what many find so frightening?

And, yes, "if they just take the time to get it done" may be true. But, why should they have to? Why should they be singled out?

Of course, one reason this sort of "debate" keeps coming up is for the same reason the "debate" about immigration keeps coming up. People are frightened of the big things, the things beyond their control, so they need a scapegoat.

Lastly, maybe I lead a sheltered life - but I've never heard any gay bashing in Albuquerque. On the contrary, it seems a pretty open and broad-minded place to me, with many way out-of-the-closet couples active in the community. This doesn't, of course, mean there isn't prejudice here, and when encountered it's up to "the rest of us" to stand up and speak out. (And, that includes getting into that voting booth every chance.)

Comment by LopsidedMom on February 4, 2009 at 11:56am: "Gay and lesbians have every single right given to straight couples if they just take the time to get it done..."

Besides the fact this is just not true, you really think it's right okay that gays and lesbians should have to pay thousands of dollars in legal fees
while I get my rights for $25 cash?

Sarah - This law becomes important, for example, in hospital waiting rooms and retirement homes. A lesbian couple in an ER gets questioned about next of kin, especially if the person asking is a homophobic bigot. An elderly straight couple (or gay for that matter) can't make end of life decisions for one another, especially if there are controlling children involved. Etc..etc..etc...