For Sandra Ferrales, 10/17/80—10/6/13
What did we do
to deserve this beauty -- our blooming cactus flowers, the emerald green shine of our
chiles, the boys
and girls the backbones of our families, taking a stab
at adulthood in middle school? In a city of strong kids, under a sky so wide and
it’s as though we’re being showered
with praise by a gorgeously generous god
On a street in the North Valley, where stray gods
jog among canneries and cottonwoods, where people do what they do,
in this case, in the bathroom of a house: Sandra took a shower.
I can imagine her 12-year-old and her 6-year-old – two boys –
shunning that gift of our blue
sky outside to stay in, playing their video games: shoot shoot, stab stab.
I was hiking in the mountains on the day of the stabbing,
whispering a prayer to God,
longing for a companion, feeling blue:
“Thank you for everything but what do I need to do
to find a nice man – they’re all boys,
you know? I want a good man.” Because I didn’t know Sandra was stepping into the
trusting her safety for a moment. She wasn’t thinking, “This is my last shower.
The restraining order didn’t work. I’ll be stabbed.
What did I do today? Did I yell at my boys, did I praise my boys?
Did I yell at God, did I praise God?
What did I just do?
Did I take one, last look at the blue?”
Sandra, a friend of yours said “she prayed all the time” so when he appeared out of the
and when he dragged you from the shower,
what did you do
to deserve one stab, 10 stabs, 50 stabs
more? What did the boys do to deserve this horror and what did he do – this man, this
when he heard your prayers for you and for the boys?
Watching boys, calling 911 boy
Mom red, Mom dead, boys blue
something must’ve come up because God hasn’t sent me a man nor did he save you or
from hearing their stabbed mom scream, from seeing her showered in crimson under
sky. I’ll be fine without mine, but Sandra: Where was your God?
"Sandra Ferrales is the second woman in recent New Mexico history who was murdered
by her husband. Her 12-year-old son who called 911 is a student at an Albuquerque
middle school." Kim Busk is the speech therapist at his school.
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