The Sunday Poem: Deborah Woodside Coy. . . Santa's Hos

Santa’s Hos

Statistics tell us that
one in ten thousand
has a Santa fetish.

Yes, this Santa has his groupies!

They love my red velvet
my black boots.
My reindeer whip
and the bells.
They cradle my jelly belly
while looking deeply
into my twinkling eyes.
They love
my soft white beard.

They croon “Santa Baby”
when they see my package.

They cherish
the challenge,
the wait.
They reach up
into the chimney
to surprise me
with their touch.

They hide behind
the tree
dressed as elves
or  cozened
as packages.
They leave condoms
and cookies
on coffee tables.

I never know
when I will meet one
made brazen by mistletoe.

They go from nice to naughty
between one jaunty jingle
and the next.
Mama kisses Santa.
Grandma is trampled
trying to stop my sleigh.
Auntie reaches for a diddle.

What is a good man
to do but rush on,
hurry, hurry, hurry
back to the Mrs.
whose fetish
is legendary
and how she loves
Christmas Morning.


©2013 Deborah Coy

Deborah Woodside Coy has published one collection of poetry, Beyond the End of the Road, from Beatlick Press. She was instigator and an editor of the anthology, La Llorona, by Beatlick that won the New Mexico/Arizona Book Awards 2013. She also recently published Bubblegum Box, a children’s picture book from Beatlick Press.  "She is a proud mother of three daughters and grandmother of nine. Deb loves to spend time on property in northern New Mexico on the road beyond the end of the road."

Tell others about this Sunday Poem if you like this, and check out the weekly poem in the New Mexico Mercury

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Zachary Kluckman invites you to the MAS Poetry Secret Santa Slam.

The Winter Solstice Candlelight Poetry Reading at Las Placitas Presbyterian Church, will happen again this year, with several scheduled poets, Saturday, December 21 at 7 pm. Larry Goodell, guest editor, is author of Firecracker Soup, Here on Earth & mucho online work. 


Views: 145

Comment by Margaret Randall on December 15, 2013 at 8:58am

Nice poem, Deborah, putting Christmas squarely where a consumer culture has already placed it. I laughed out loud.

Comment by larry goodell on December 15, 2013 at 9:21am

Deborah has been writing for kids and adults and everyone for a long time, always helpful encouraging poetry settings and events in Albuquerque - - and we share Concordia, Kansas, in our distant family history . . .

Comment by Dee Cohen on December 16, 2013 at 5:41am

What a hoot Deb. Very clever. Love how Mrs. Claus waits the whole thing out. Dee

Comment by Izquierdo on December 16, 2013 at 3:19pm

Sixty years later, "I Saw Mama Kissin' Santa Claus" has been upstaged with lesser but still-subtle words: black boots and whips, packages, diddles, and coffee tables. Condoms? I'm not sure how subtle they are, but effective despite being properly old-fashioned. The 2010s, however, are much advanced and we must honor the Times motto--"all the news that's fit to print." 

Comment by Johnny_Mango on December 16, 2013 at 9:13pm

Hmmm...One in ten thousand, huh.  That means there are about 25,000 potential Christmas surprises for a fat man in a furry red suit. 


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