Life, food, events, and community in Albuquerque, NM

We've Seen Lists of the Best...Here's a List of the Worst

NOB HILL--Both the Alibi and Albuquerque, the Magazine have Best of Burque lists. Now I'm not going to argue about any of their choices. For instance, who would deny that the "Best Local Newspaper Columnist" is indeed Leslie Linthicum? She has turned out to be worth the price of the Albuquerque Journal all by herself.

But all this is only half the story. What we have here is a list of what in the Duke City needs to be Fixed. And let's start with the rest of that newspaper.

Worst Section in the ABQ Journal
1. Sports. With the exception of Ken Sickenger (who can at least write up an intelligent and interesting game summary) the whole Journal sports department should be benched. The failure of the entire team of sportswriters to investigate the Locksley business is hard to comprehend. It took a half hour special on ESPN to convince them there was a real story here. Even the Daily Lobo scooped the Journal on the Locksley story. It wasn't until the Journal gave the story to veteran newsman Martin Salazar that the matter was given its due. Here's an idea: next year give those football press passes to Leslie Linthicum. Her story about the coach's choking incident was hilarious.
2. Editorial Page. Don't have to say anything here. Just shaking my head...daily.
3. Front Page News. Does anybody see anything wrong with two front page pictures of our future mayor as a 'regular guy'? Probably not. Even if it was just a little too cute. One picture showed him playing basketball with his son in his driveway. The other showed him praying over lunch. "There's only one thing missing," I told my wife. "Where's the picture of him playing with his dog?" It turned out to be on Page Two. But to be fair, the Journal does have some writers doing a lot of heavy lifting, especially John Fleck and Winthrop Quigley. Their analyses are generally tops. And Quigley's series on healthcare was the best analysis of the issues I have read anywhere in any publication. No wonder he is being featured more and more.

Worst Place to Drive (and When)
1. Downtown on Friday or Saturday nights. Never in my whole life have I heard of a town that closes off so many streets (including the town's main thoroughfare) two nights a week. Ever tried to find your way back to Nob Hill after an evening in Old Town? Sheer hell. And the traffic moves so slowly that you don't even know you are on a circular road to nowhere for the first 20 minutes.
2. Coronado Shopping Center at Christmas. Don't even think about it.
3. Corrales Road at night. The peaceful village of Corrales just north of Albuquerque owns one of the worst roadways in the entire state. Afraid of destroying the rural nature of the village, this narrow, dark, extremely busy route to personal pastures and custom adobes will kill you..unless you're driving a tank with blinking caution lights or maybe a Hummer on fire. And whatever you do, don't you dare ride a bike or walk. Really.

Worst Place to Find a Date
1. The Journal's monthly DWI page. Now don't tell me you haven't scoured those rows of mug shots looking for a potential partner! I know you have.
2. Church. Albuquerque Magazine lists church as its #1 place to get a date. But so many churches project homophobia, right-wing politics, and a sickening arrogance that leads to them seeming to welcome the End Of The World. Forget It. Go to a peace march instead. Volunteer at Healthcare for the Homeless. Join a political party or even a meditation group. Just stay away from those kind of churches as a place to pick up guys or chicks. Besides, would you really want to get involved with someone who attends church because he wants a date?
3. Stores, Gyms, & ABQ Uptown. All three of these are cited by Alb the Mag as reader favorites. Great advice...if you want to date a mall rat. And do you really want to go to a gym that feels like a meat market? Well, maybe. At least looking at great bodies keeps the mind off the clock.

Worst Place to Have to Wait
1. Presbyterian Emergency Room. I'm sure UNMH is just as bad...maybe worse. A friend of mine in her 70's sat in a wheel chair at Pres from 8:30 at night to 5:00 in the morning waiting to be treated and sent home. The waiting room looked like a third world scene. It seemed like a hundred people, mostly whole families, were camped out on the floor and benches. Another 50 sat around outside. Over half were wearing face masks. Don't let anybody tell you we don't need health care reform. My friend had health insurance. Most of those in the waiting room didn't. What is your own Gold Plan health insurance worth in such a world?
2. The pastry counter at the Flying Star. If you didn't want something bad for you when you got there, a few minutes staring at those pies, eclairs, cheese cakes, bread pudding, and the ever deadly Maximum Fudge Density will grab your tongue until you scream, "Gimme THAT!"
3. In front of your computer as the ABQJournal website wanders slowly onto your screen. That website is the pokiest thing in the world. My dog is faster sniffing his way past a Kentucky Fried Chicken parking lot. You can click on the website and still have time to make a sliced ham, cheese, & mayo sandwich before the arrow stops whirling. In fact, you might as well open up two tabs and check your bank balance while waiting for the Journal to come up. And that is if you are a subscriber; non-subscribers still have a 60 second commercial to sit through before they can read more than the headlines.

Don't Get Me Wrong
I am sure there are a multitude of ideas out there: candidates for all kinds of lists. Albuquerque isn't a bad place; it's a great place. It's just that a few things here really could use a Duke City Fix.

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Comment by once banned twice shy on December 1, 2009 at 9:20am: Hilarious--and true. However, I will say that I don't think it's fair to say that ALL churches promote homophobia, right-wing politics or sickening arrogance. What about Unitarians and The Friends (Quakers)? But, if you are a homophobic, arrogant, right-winger, then maybe some churces ARE the place to find yourself a perfect mate. Har.

Re: Downtown on weekend nights. Exactly! And the city wonders why it's hard to revitalize Downtown. Duh...

Comment by Johnny_Mango on December 1, 2009 at 10:07am: You're right Twice. Not ALL churches do...and I didn't mean to say that. Sorry if it was understood that way. The ones you mentioned are wonderful, as are many others. But the mega churches which offer a total social milieu for their flock are another story.

Comment by Suzanne on December 1, 2009 at 10:15am: I would like to add for the ABQ Journal is the online West Side section. Most of the stories posted in the West Side section are actually Rio Rancho stories. If I wanted to read about Rio Rancho I would click on that tab.

Comment by the boy on December 1, 2009 at 10:26am: Ditto on First Unitarian Church of Albuquerque. Fantastic place, full of interesting if introverted folk, and a lively group of young adults. And churches are a pretty good default locale to scope for people with similar values, which is important to many.

The worst place to find a date, IMO, is Big Eye Adult Video Emporium

Comment by Tricross on December 1, 2009 at 10:46am: I'll put a plug in for First Congregational UCC. Great church that is open and affirming no matter who you are.

disclosure: I go to that church and receive benefits far greater than money.

Best place to people watch: Frontier

Comment by Benny the Icepick on December 1, 2009 at 11:29am: Re: Downtown on weekend nights
Sorry, OBTS, but those street closures are helping - not hurting - downtown revitalization. They create a sense of urban place - something incredibly difficult to do in a city. It's along the lines of what the 4th street mall was trying to do, but with an activated corridor. During the day and during the week, there's enough traffic to keep those establishments in the public eye (promotion and awareness), but by night they are pedestrian-friendly, a nightlife hub.

If you don't like the traffic, bike, take the bus (during those blissful Rapid After Dark months) or walk. Biking past all those idling cars, I can get downtown faster than they can, no sweat.

Comment by Tracy Dingmann on December 1, 2009 at 12:21pm: "My dog is faster sniffing his way past a Kentucky Fried Chicken parking lot."
Almost fell off my chair. Great line.

Comment by Barelas Babe on December 1, 2009 at 12:44pm: Speaking of open and affirming churches, another one is St Michaels and All Angels Episcopal Church on Montano just west of 4th Street. The rector, Brian Taylor, is thoughtful and thought-provoking - check out his rumination on http://www.all-angels.com/journals/2009/03/a_pilgimage_to_india_february.php" target="_blank">India earlier this year. I'm not a member of St. Michaels, but I stop in from time to time.

Comment by Barelas Babe on December 1, 2009 at 12:46pm: One more time trying to fix the link. Top entry is the one on India.

Comment by Rich Boucher on December 1, 2009 at 2:15pm: Good list, Johnny; I just wish it were longer!

Can I add a couple of thoughts?

The whole thing the APD is doing with squaring off and blocking that downtown area,
to me, is really counter-productive. It's vastly annoying to have to find one's way
around that mess because people want to turn that chunk of downtown into
their own personal Bourbon Street every Friday and Saturday night. And blocking it all
off to me seems to send a signal of tacit acceptance of what goes on. Not cool.

I love the pastry counter at Flying Star! Even if I am only there to surf the web and
glare at people for the crime of not checking me out,. I'll still take my time deciding on
my drink because I love to look at those glistening petit fours.

And as for "people shopping"? Well, not being in the market, I can only say that
the mere thought of selecting ABQ Uptown as a place to look for a potential mate
grosses me out. WAAAAAAAYY too many sorostitutes over there.